March 10, 2018

Breeder Bingo Bombs: Badabing, Badaboom!

Breeder Bingo Bombs: Badabing, Badaboom! (Source: YourTango)

Breeder Bingo Bombs: Badabing, Badaboom! (Source: YourTango)

Bravo, Ossiana Tepfenhart, for tackling the inevitable (and perennial) “Breeder Bingo” blather! Childfree friends, if you’re sick and tired of the endless onslaught of judgment and unsolicited advice, you may well want to borrow a zinger or three from Tepfenhart’s article, “27 Ways To Respond When You’re Being Pressured To Have Kids“.

Maybe manners and respect are more likely left intact when adults make the childfree choice?

Here are a few of my favorites breeder bingo bombs, starting a good standby for anyone/everyone who feels it their obligation to insert their judgment into one of the most personal and private considerations we ever make.

“Is there any particular reason the contents of my uterus/testicles are such a hot-button topic for you?” (Source: YourTango)

Badabing, badaboom!

And if your tormentor decides to stick around after that uppercut, here are some handy topic-specific repartees for your quiver.

“You’ll Change Your Mind”

  • “I can’t help but think that, if I were pregnant and keeping it right now, you wouldn’t be telling me I’d change my mind. That’s very patronizing and rude of you.”
  • “Funny thing about kids, you can’t change your mind about having them once you do. Rather not take that risk.”

“But What If You Meet The Right Person?”

  • “If they were right for me, they wouldn’t want kids either.”

“You’re Selfish”

  • “So, I’m selfish for a non-existant, potential being not being made? Right. Well, I’m glad you’re so rational. This discussion is over.”

“Accidents Happen”

  • “So do abortions and safe haven laws. What’s your point?”

“You Don’t Know How Great It Is”

  • “I don’t know what a shark bite feels like either, but I know I don’t want that.”

“You’ll Never Know True Love Like Parenthood”

  • “I’m so sorry you don’t love your spouse!” (Source: YourTango)

It’s funny how often this last idea gets dished up by parents. True love. Pretty subjective stuff. I can’t help thinking that some parents might not quite grok what true love with a spouse looks like. You know, the kind when you can really invest in loving each other? It’s a beautiful blessing when it happens. And yet childfree adults would never disrespect parents with the claim that “You’ll never know true love” with your partner now that you’re a parent. Maybe manners and respect are more likely left intact when adults make the childfree choice?







About virtualDavis

G.G. Davis, Jr. (aka virtualDavis) is a writer, storyteller, unabashed flâneur and eager-beaver uncle. Despite two whiz-bang nieces, two superstar nephews, and rewarding teaching/coaching stints at the American School of Paris and Santa Fe Preparatory School, he remains willingly, enthusiastically and happily childfree. His WNK posts are part of an ongoing attempt to understand why. Rosslyn Redux, a transmedia chronicle about rehabilitating an historic property in the Adirondacks, offers a more ironic twist on his childfree adventure. He also blogs at and Connect with G.G. Davis, Jr. via Twitter, Facebook or Google+.