April 19, 2024

Not a Loser, Baby

Kate Walsh More cover girl

The Hollywood headline reads “Kate Walsh (television star of Gray’s Anatomy and Private Practice) Embarrassed For Not Having Kids”.

This newsflash did its job and caught my childfree eye. I had to read more. Maybe not coincidentally, the article is in MORE magazine, a magazine “that celebrates women over 40”. However, it seems that in this case, not having kids by 40 means this star is more likely falling or failing.

In the article Kate Walsh says, “I feel like a loser. I would definitely love to be a parent. But I definitely don’t think I want to do it on my own. Things are just going to go the way they go… I thought I’d be married and have three or four kids. I always knew I wanted to be an actress, but I think I always wanted a quote-unquote normal life because I had a very untraditional upbringing.”

So normal is two kids and a dog right? Not for the nearly 50% of American women who are not moms. (source savvyauntie.com)

Maybe Kate should talk to Oscar winner Dame Helen Mirren, who swore off childbirth after seeing a film on the subject as a kid, “I swear it traumatised me to this day. I haven’t had children and now I can’t look at anything to do with childbirth. It absolutely disgusts me.”

Childfree and carefree Cameron Diaz

Or she could listen to outspoken environmentalist Cameron Diaz, who recently defended women who don’t want children in Cosmo by saying, “I think women are afraid to say that they don’t want children because they’re going to get shunned. But I think that’s changing too now. I have more girlfriends who don’t have kids than those that do. And honestly? We don’t need any more kids. We have plenty of people on this planet.” Diaz adds she might still have kids of her own.

Every celebrity rag is filled with photos of pregnant or potentially knocked up stars. We are obsessed with bump watch and all the joys of charting famous bellies and how quickly they grow then disappear.

Maybe Kate Walsh’s PR agent thinks she is a loser for not cashing in on the craze and publicity nexus of the moment. (Although, her article has caused quite a stir of its own.) It seems more and more actresses are joining the Hollywood Baby Boom. Currently pregnant stars include: Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman, Selma Blair, Maya Rudolph, Alyssa Milano, Alicia Silverstone, and three of the five Spice Girls.

Suri cruisin’ with her $1,700 purse

The paparazzi have gone after the celebrity spawn as well. Photos of the little fashionistas are making cover stories. We’ve always wanted all the goodies and clothing from League of Legends Merchandise of the rich and famous, and now we want our kids to wear what their kids are wearing too. Does that include the $1,700 Dolce and Gabbana purse of Miss Suri Cruise, age 4? For Ms. Walsh, her ability to protect a child from the paps and lack of privacy might be influencing her decision.

With the Hollywood baby boom exploding, we could use some other childfree personalities to speak up and share that their lives without children are still worth living, and that having less is sometimes more.

Some Notable Childfree Movie Stars

George Clooney

Cameron Diaz

Hugh Grant

Renee Zellweger

Katharine Hepburn

Oprah Winfrey

Hilary Swank

Charlize Theron

Angelica Houston

Steve Martin

Marisa Tomei

Ellen DeGeneres

Portia DeGeneres

Dr. Suess Didn’t Have Kids

“You make ’em. I’ll amuse ’em.” – Dr. Seuss

Margaret Wise Brown, Maurice Sendack, Beatrix Potter, Louisa May Alcott and Dr. Suess didn’t have kids. And I’m adding myself to this esteemed list of childfree children’s book authors.

How is it possible that such clever icons of the children’s literary world had the ability to connect to kids across generations without having children of their own? How could they understand kids without raising them? Very simple, they were once kids, too. Perhaps because these childless adults never abandoned a child’s point of view, they held close to childhood memories and fantasies and magically preserved the imaginary realm of talking animals and invented words.  Would these authors have the same stories to tell if their priorities were feeding young mouths instead of young minds? Would late nights and diaper duty have sapped their creative energy and capacity to envision Sneeches, Wild Things and truffula trees?

Recently, I asked a parent friend of mine if she would have a pediatrician who didn’t have kids, or an ob/gyn who didn’t have kids, or even a teacher who didn’t have kids. Did it make a difference? She said it did in the case of the pediatrician, which caught me a bit until I realized that I required a doctor with an innie instead of an outie when it came to gynecological matters.

Jo Frost, TV’s SuperNanny, has reared plenty of kids but still isn’t a parent herself. So did this sharpen her skills or limit her adeptness? The SuperNanny has millions of television viewers each week and millions more buying her books on parenting and childrearing techniques.

Raffi, the superstar musical maestro of the preschool set, has sold over 8 million albums. He too is childfree. In these cases their expertise and success has nothing to do with being a progenitor.

Is it a coincidence that my favorite teachers were not parents? What was it that made them so attractive to me? Was it their dedication to children even if they didn’t have little ones at home? Was I a competent teacher even if I didn’t have offspring? Does having children really make a difference when you teach, entertain or care for children? Or is it possible that, just maybe, once you become a parent you stop living like a child?


Enhanced by Zemanta

May I please be excused?

The choice to have children is personal. When someone asks ‘WHY NO KIDS?’ I don’t really mind, but not all of the interrogators accept my responses.

In my twenties my excuse was that I didn’t think I could have kids. Fertility issues run in my family. In my early thirties, I answered with a variety of excuses, always apologetically:

“I’m an environmentalist…”

“Addictions and diseases run in my family…”

“Have you seen the size of my husband’s head?”

In my late thirties, my husband was diagnosed with a rare genetic eye disease that would leave our future generation with a 50% chance of macular degeneration and blindness. (That one shut people up pretty quickly.) As I too rapidly approach my forties, I could easily use the excuse that I’m too old. (More on that another time.) The truth is I don’t want kids and I’m happy. I’m happy teaching, playing, visiting and entertaining other people’s kids AND I’m happy to give them back when I’m done getting my kid fix. I’m happy in my marriage and in my family of two. And I’m really happy being alone and childless. Do I need any other reason?

Why no kids? Why kids? What’s your excuse?