June 20, 2017

I Don’t Hate Kids

I don’t hate kids. And I’m guessing that Steve Shives doesn’t hate kids either. After all, he’s created both a “Why I Hate Kids” video and a “Why I Like Kids” video for your lighthearted consumption. This tongue-in-cheek parade of reasons why he could hate kids is arguably inappropriate but strikes me as a reminder that loving kids or hating kids isn’t at the heart of the childfree/breeder divide. Far from it!

But like this Jam Hands post, exaggeration and laughter are a necessary and healthy part of the conversation. That said, here are a few of my favorites from Steve Shives “Why I Hate Kids” list:

  • they are loud
  • the really smart ones can take 3 or 4 years to learn how to wipe their own asses
  • they take over your life
  • they think black and white movies are boring
  • they pee in their beds
  • they get bored easily
  • you have to watch them constantly
  • they’re afraid of cooties and harmless insects but not guns
  • most of them are too small and weak to get any real work out of
  • they lack perspective
  • they are expensive
  • they stole Halloween
  • they don’t get subtlety
  • they don’t look good wearing glasses
  • they get to piss in your face while you change their diaper, and you’re not even supposed to get mad
  • they consume everything and produce nothing
  • they speak openly of their bowel movements

It’s okay to laugh. It’s humor. We won’t tell your spouse. Or your kids! 😉

About virtualDavis

G.G. Davis, Jr. (aka virtualDavis) is a writer, storyteller, unabashed flâneur and eager-beaver uncle. Despite two whiz-bang nieces, two superstar nephews, and rewarding teaching/coaching stints at the American School of Paris and Santa Fe Preparatory School, he remains willingly, enthusiastically and happily childfree. His WNK posts are part of an ongoing attempt to understand why. Rosslyn Redux, a transmedia chronicle about rehabilitating an historic property in the Adirondacks, offers a more ironic twist on his childfree adventure. He also blogs at virtualDavis.com and EssexonLakeChamplain.com. Connect with G.G. Davis, Jr. via Twitter, Facebook or Google+.

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