December 11, 2017

Dr. Seuss: “Celebrity No Kids” Funny Follow Up

Cover of "Green Eggs and Ham (I Can Read ...

Cover via Amazon

WNK readers were amazed to learn that the guy who wrote the most notable kid’s books of all time, Dr. Seuss, never had kids of his own.

We recently stumbled upon a funny blog post from our friends at “I Kid You Not” waxing in Seussian rhyme about the argument to be or not to be child free:


“Except in this version, Sam-I-Am is a chick named Mindy Sue who believes everyone should procreate and green eggs and ham are the little buggers themselves.

I’m Mindy Sue.

That Mindy Sue.
That Mindy Sue.
I do not like that Mindy Sue.

Don’t you want a kid or two?

I do not want one, Mindy Sue.
I do not want a kid or two.

Do you want one in a year?

I do not want one in a year.
I’d rather shove glass up my rear.
I’m happy being childfree.
Now take a hike and let me be.

But don’t you like kids when you fly
Even though they scream and cry?

I do not like them on a plane.
I do not like them on a train.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.

Don’t you like them where you eat?
Don’t you think they’re cute and sweet?

Not where I eat.
Not at the beach.
Not at the park.
Not on an ark.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.

Do you like them at the store?
I’m sure you would if they were yours.

I do not like them at the store.
I don’t want kids.
But wait! There’s more:
I do not like them where I eat.
I do not like them at the beach.
I do not like them on a plane.
I do not like them on a train.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE.

But every little girl and boy
Is a precious gift, a joy!

Holy balls, give me a break
I just don’t think kids are so great.
I like to fly and eat in peace.
Now please go take a flying leap.



  1. Childfree green eggs and ham! Sooo amusing… Amy, I’ve read this aloud three times already. No I need to memorize it! Perhaps it’s the best canned response to breeder bingo?!?! 

  2. Annoyed says:

    While I respect people’s decisions to live without children, I strongly resent the implications of this rhyme. Yes, children are often annoying. Yes, they tend to cry on planes. But so did you when you were a child. That is not a good reason to be against children, and this does make it sound like you are against children, not just HAVING children of your OWN. I’m sure you turned out pretty well now that you are grown, but you undoubtedly still caused many people grief as a child. Are (were) you not worth it? Be careful what you post on here, as there is a big difference between being pro-childfree and just plain anti-child.

  3. So what if some of us *are* anti-child?

  4. Mr./Ms. Annoyed, I think you overlooked the fact that this was supposed to be funny. First of all, Dr. Suess is funny. And second, the send-up poem is tongue-in-cheek. Also funny. It’s not anti-child. Or at least I didn’t read it that way… And I suspect that AMYWNK didn’t either. Read her other posts. Not a child-hater or anti-child at all. In fact, a wee bit of a child herself! 😉

  5. Annoyed is incorrect – not all children cry and make a scene, and I guess that’s the point.  I sure as hell didn’t, but then I was a smart kid, was never a crybaby, and my parents would not have tolerated any bad behaviour in public.  I was always taught to consider others and to behave accordingly.  We’re not anti-child necessarily, we’re anti-brat and anti-shitty parent!

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