Childfree Regrets? You'll regret it when you're older... Why No Kids?

You’ll regret being childfree when you’re older…

One of most common Breeder Bingos is, “You’ll regret being childfree when you’re older.” To which most of us roll our eyes or nod agreeably but dismissively.

“I hope not,” I say when feeling more generous. Or, “I’ll let you know when I get there…”

I sigh inwardly and add another mark to the childfree regrets blotter hanging on a hook inside my otherwise rather upbeat skull, and then I recite a quiet mantra to myself:

Do not encourage this condescending know-it-all.
Do not suggest that s/he will regret having children when s/he is older.
Do not explain my childfree choice because his/her judgment is made.

Rebuttals About Childfree Regrets

Despite frequent suggestions that the childfree choice will inevitably morph into childfree regrets, most of us learn to avoid engaging. We become tired with countering judgment with reason and dialogue. Parent conviction is deeply ingrained and generally inflexible. Trying to be understood (or, god forbid, respected) by parents who inflexibly assume that we will experience childfree regret down the road is akin to the dysfunctional dialogue between theists and atheists/agnostics. Patience, passion, logic, science, conviction, etc. need not apply.

So reading “What I Regret About Being Childfree” offered a welcome antidote. This admittedly snarky post written by Julie Was Here (aka The hiking Humanist) originally emerged from a response to a childfree-basher.

So this list was originally written as a response to a rather persistent troll on another website, who tried to insist that the childfree (namely, me) are envious of her life as a grandmother (by her own admission, breeding is about all she ever did with her life,) and secretly regret being childfree.

Her childfree regrets range from spot-on to hilarious, and the list is virtually endless. I’ve culled my favorites into a top ten parade to entice you to wander over and read the full post.

Top 10 Childfree Regrets

Please note that the following is excerpted and quoted directly from Julie Was Here‘s post.

I regret that I don’t just mindlessly follow the herd like any lazy, unimaginative cow…
I regret that I’ve served my country proudly, gotten a pilot’s license, competed in and won art competitions, traveled the world, and generally do all the things most people only dream of, and all by the age of 24…
I regret having a healthy, fit, thin body, complete with perky (though admittedly small) breasts, an unmarred abdomen, and…
I regret that I have never looked nor felt like a bloated whale…[nor] like a deflated balloon…
I regret not being covered in the bodily fluids…
I also regret enjoying peaceful slumber every night, not interrupted by screeching shit-factories…
I really regret having an actual healthy and happy relationship… [that] is not strained or destroyed by children…
I regret that my typical free-time resembles what other people consider a rare vacation treat…
I regret that I never get calls from school about bullying or being bullied…
I regret that there is no one around to smash all breakable objects in the house, attempt to feed inappropriate items into disk drives… [and] flush toys down the toilet…