October 5, 2017

Childfree Regrets?

Childfree Regrets?

You’ll regret being childfree when you’re older…

One of most common Breeder Bingos is, “You’ll regret being childfree when you’re older.” To which most of us roll our eyes or nod agreeably but dismissively.

“I hope not,” I say when feeling more generous. Or, “I’ll let you know when I get there…”

I sigh inwardly and add another mark to the childfree regrets blotter hanging on a hook inside my otherwise rather upbeat skull, and then I recite a quiet mantra to myself:

Do not encourage this condescending know-it-all.
Do not suggest that s/he will regret having children when s/he is older.
Do not explain my childfree choice because his/her judgment is made.

Rebuttals About Childfree Regrets

Despite frequent suggestions that the childfree choice will inevitably morph into childfree regrets, most of us learn to avoid engaging. We become tired with countering judgment with reason and dialogue. Parent conviction is deeply ingrained and generally inflexible. Trying to be understood (or, god forbid, respected) by parents who inflexibly assume that we will experience childfree regret down the road is akin to the dysfunctional dialogue between theists and atheists/agnostics. Patience, passion, logic, science, conviction, etc. need not apply.

So reading “What I Regret About Being Childfree” offered a welcome antidote. This admittedly snarky post written by Julie Was Here (aka The hiking Humanist) originally emerged from a response to a childfree-basher.

So this list was originally written as a response to a rather persistent troll on another website, who tried to insist that the childfree (namely, me) are envious of her life as a grandmother (by her own admission, breeding is about all she ever did with her life,) and secretly regret being childfree.

Her childfree regrets range from spot-on to hilarious, and the list is virtually endless. I’ve culled my favorites into a top ten parade to entice you to wander over and read the full post.

Top 10 Childfree Regrets

Please note that the following is excerpted and quoted directly from Julie Was Here‘s post.

  1. I regret that I don’t just mindlessly follow the herd like any lazy, unimaginative cow…
  2. I regret that I’ve served my country proudly, gotten a pilot’s license, competed in and won art competitions, traveled the world, and generally do all the things most people only dream of, and all by the age of 24…
  3. I regret having a healthy, fit, thin body, complete with perky (though admittedly small) breasts, an unmarred abdomen, and…
  4. I regret that I have never looked nor felt like a bloated whale…[nor] like a deflated balloon…
  5. I regret not being covered in the bodily fluids…
  6. I also regret enjoying peaceful slumber every night, not interrupted by screeching shit-factories…
  7. I really regret having an actual healthy and happy relationship… [that] is not strained or destroyed by children…
  8. I regret that my typical free-time resembles what other people consider a rare vacation treat…
  9. I regret that I never get calls from school about bullying or being bullied…
  10. I regret that there is no one around to smash all breakable objects in the house, attempt to feed inappropriate items into disk drives… [and] flush toys down the toilet…

 What are Your Top “Childfree Regrets”?

About virtualDavis

G.G. Davis, Jr. (aka virtualDavis) is a writer, storyteller, unabashed flâneur and eager-beaver uncle. Despite two whiz-bang nieces, two superstar nephews, and rewarding teaching/coaching stints at the American School of Paris and Santa Fe Preparatory School, he remains willingly, enthusiastically and happily childfree. His WNK posts are part of an ongoing attempt to understand why. Rosslyn Redux, a transmedia chronicle about rehabilitating an historic property in the Adirondacks, offers a more ironic twist on his childfree adventure. He also blogs at virtualDavis.com and EssexonLakeChamplain.com. Connect with G.G. Davis, Jr. via Twitter, Facebook or Google+.

Comments

  1. no child from my loins says:

    These people don’t understand, it’s easy to stop being child-free, not as easy to go back should you regret breeding.

  2. Well put, @a5d26636d7f4d6649fa322fb53f9d75e:disqus and thanks for the comment.

  3. After a friend told me her sister has to get the police involved to get her teen outta bed to go to HS in the morning because he refuses to go (because there is no such thing as punishment these days) , this experience is my biggest regret that I will never ever experience. I’m sure he will be the first one to take care of her when she gets old.

  4. Marcia Drut-Davis says:

    That’s the one repeating warning I’ve heard. “Wait! Wait til you’re older. You may regret this choice!” In my newly published memoir”Confessions of a Childfree Woman” I share how, at age 70, I feel about this warning. I also tell how I felt during menopause, being a stepmother and why, if Mike Wallace were alive today, he may want to apologize to me after his brutal closing remarks on 60 Minutes.

  5. Congratulations to Marcia Drut-Davis for winning the 2014 Lifetime Childfree Contribution Award. I wish there were awards for all the childfree people who have done the same thing.

  6. Smile it is almost Friday! says:

    Obvioudly the writer does not know very many childfree people.

    I am sure there are people who regret being childfree, but they are not very common.

    I know people who regret having children.

    When I say I am childfree I get the “you can always adopt” speech. Is that not like telling a person who quit drinking that he can always take up smoking?

  7. Smile it is almost Friday! says:

    Where can I see your memoir?

    A lot of people tell men that no woman will want them if they have a vasectomy. I have been trying to point out that childfree women outnumber men by a huge margin.

  8. Smile it is almost Friday! says:

    Hahaha Good point.

    I know a lot of “parents” with children that still need looking after when they are 50. My auntie (84) still looks out for my useless cousin.

  9. Thanks for wanting to read my memoir! It’s available on Kindle or as a soft covered book on AMAZON.com

    I also have a very lively Facebook group (Confessionsofachidfreewoman) and a private Facebook group you have to be accepted into. (Confessionsofchildfreepeople)

    There’s also a new one for any CF person who is also a stepparent! “Childfree by choice. Yet, I’m a stepparent!”

    We have TONS of women looking fro men who don’t want to have or raise kids. There’s also a dating site!

    Feel free to write to me anytime!

    Marcia

  10. Smile it is almost Friday! says:

    Hey great!. When I return from my trip to China I will buy it.

    I am married and childfree.

    Many many men say they do not know where to find childfree women. I would like to offer them links. I also plan to set up a support site for childfree men to help them find suitable mates, and vasectomies.

    I am not a facebook user. When I was a facebook user, someone stole information off the site. matched it up with information elsewhere and used it. My facebook photo is now floating around the internet attached to my name, and someone else’s profile. The fake profile includes children.

  11. AWESOME.
    Safe travels!

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