July 7, 2026

When the Kids Ask, “Why No Kids?”

“When are you having babies?”

I’ve heard this question a million times from friends and family, but just the other day I heard it from a kid. As my friend’s six-year-old daughter sat on my lap and played with my hair, she inquired about my reproductive plans. I ignored the question. Then she suggested maybe I should get a new hairstyle. Phew. That was close. I really didn’t want to go there.

“Yes, when?” asked her twin four-year-old brothers as they wrestled on the floor. D’oh!

“Never!” I answered a bit too quickly.

“But why not?” they all pleaded. And I fell for it. I pulled out my high horse and saddled up.

“Because it’s my choice, not everyone has to have kids.”

They blinked back at me. Did I say too much?

“I don’t have to have kids.” I continued to explain.

The boys chimed in, “If you’re married you are supposed to have kids.”

Uh-oh. I tried to stop myself from saying too much, but it was impossible…

“That’s not true. You don’t have to have kids if you’re married.”

I didn’t say you could or maybe even should be married to have kids. And I definitely didn’t say, “Go ask your mom and dad!”

The twins started covering my arms with Halloween tattoos and the little girl tied my hair in a knot on top of my head.

“You’d look better with short hair,” she said.

“Are you having kids?” I asked her. I just couldn’t resist.

“I don’t know yet,” she said. That’s my girl! I thought as I let myself get a makeover by the three kids.

Minutes later my husband walked into the room. He took one look at us and shook his head.

He whispered in my ear, “Great birth control.”

“The kids?” I asked, expecting him to save me.

“No,” he replied. “Your hair!”

Hey WNKers: What would you say if a child asked you, “Why no kids?”

Share your “Why no kids?” stories in the comment section below.

Excuses, Excuses…

It’s fall and my husband and I are swamped and trying to catch up with stuff we let pile up this summer. We don’t have kids so every nice day this summer we decided to go out on the lake instead of working inside. (For more on this read my Endless Summer Vacation post.) We figured it would rain and we could make haste, but it didn’t rain until Irene made a visit. And it hasn’t stopped since. So now we are busy hiding inside and working hard and we even decided to paint the entire interior of our house. It’s been a great excuse when we have to get out of obligations and allows us to leave events and other functions early. “Nope sorry, can’t stay, gotta paint.” It reminds me of some of my friends with kids and how they use them as an excuse to leave early and beg out of boring commitments. I admit, sometimes it makes me green with envy. A recent article in Jezebel “The Almighty Baby Excuse” tackles this very subject:

“Did you know that one of the least publicized advantages of having a baby is that it is, in fact, the greatest excuse ever invented to get out of doing stuff, with no loss of honor? When you were childless, you pretty much had to get spinal meningitis to talk your way out of a bridal tea or a work-sponsored tree-planting ceremony. Now, you have a living breathing RSVP with “decline” checked off, and contrary to what employers everywhere suspect, approximately 97% of the time, you’re not even bullshitting.”

The article struck a nerve with childfree reader MissCrystal. Her comment:

“As a childfree woman who is the only childless woman at my job, I’m offended and disgusted by the amount of work these ladies can get out because of kids/grandkids…as a childfree woman I supposedly have no other priorities or things I want to do other than work. The whole thing angers me and pointing out the hypocrisies of how childfree people are treated versus their counterparts has become my woman crusade.”

So this is a hot button issue for some people. Let me suggest that kids are an excellent excuse to get out of doing things, but still not a super valid reason to actually have them. (They really do get sick all the time!) Also the painting excuse works really well without adding a baby or a needy pet to the household. So far it’s been three weeks of “painting” and counting, although now we’re probably busted.

By the way, the excuse of diarrhea pretty much works every time too. A friend of mine used it twice this summer to cancel on me. What’s your favorite excuse?

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Endless Summer (Vacation)

I hate that summer has to end. But I love comedienne (Canadian female comedian) Samantha Bee from The Daily Show. Her article in Saturday’s WSJ  “A Long Summer for ‘Weary Tiger’ Moms” made me pine for summer vacations past. She explained that as a child of the 1970s she spent her lazy summer days,

“languishing in front of the TV watching Phil Donahue and eating Boo Berry until my skin turned purple. Nobody cared if I read. Nobody cared if I wore sunscreen, or pants. I was like a house cat; my parents barely even knew if I was still living with them or whether I had moved in with the old lady down the street who would put out a bowl of food for me. In the ’70s, parenting was like a combination of intense crate-training and rumspringa, so I would typically spend June through September burnt to a crisp and wandering listlessly around the city, verging on scurvy.”

Kids and parents of 2011 are busy and exhausted all summer long. There are tutors and classes and camps and play dates and so many things that fill up the space that is meant for restoration and relaxation. Even as a member of the child-free community I am guilty of playing catch up with work and to-do lists on splendid summer days when I should be outside playing!

As a kid, my summers were crammed with summer camps and activities like many kids today. The days that I wasn’t programmed to the gills I was thrilled to lie around and stare at the TV, or go for meandering bike rides, or make chalk drawings that filled the sidewalks. I loved the freedom that came with having nothing to do. I would maybe wander home when the street lights came on for a quick dinner only to rush back out to meet the neighborhood kids for the late night kick-the-can session.

As a former teacher I can smell the first day of school rapidly approaching and still get excited to see new notebooks filling the store shelves at the end of July. September is always a crazy rush to get back on task with school and work, so why do we all feel the need to keep a tightly packed schedule during the summer too?  Maybe next summer parents, kids, and even the child-free can remember that the lazy days of summer are fleeting and it’s okay to enjoy the warm summer breeze and the long lazy days and just…relax.

Hey, parents:

Do you feel rested after summer vacation or are you eagerly awaiting the first day of school so you can finally get some rest?

Hey, Why No Kidsters:

How did you spend your summer vacation?

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August 1st Happy Non-Parents Day!

 

Over 30 years ago, the National Organization for Non-Parents (which became National Alliance for Optional Parenthood, or NAOP) ), deemed August 1 Non-Parents Day.

via La Vie Childfree.

Hey WNKers how did you celebrate your Non-Parents Day?

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More NYC women are saying no to having children

Statue of Liberty on Liberty Island, New Jersey
Image via Wikipedia

Whether they call themselves “childless,” “childfree,” “childless-by-choice” or even just “still on the fence,” a significant number of New York women in their 30s and 40s are taking a pass on motherhood.

via More NYC women are deciding not to have children – NYPOST.com.

What do you think WNKsters?

Does having a career in the big city mean you can’t have kids? Why are NYC women opting for childfreedom?

What if…Oprah had kids?

Mary Cassatt (1844–1926), The Bath Oil on canv...

Image via Wikipedia

I admit that sometimes I think, ‘What if I had kids?’  Would I be a better teacher? Or a better person? Would I write better children’s books? How different would my life be now?

What if certain childfree female role models throughout history had had kids? Would their lives have had the same focus?

What if Oprah Winfrey had kids? Would she have felt the need to educate hundreds of African girls?

What if Mary Cassatt had kids? Would she still have created countless paintings and pastels of mothers and children?

What if Condoleezza Rice had kids? Would she have felt differently about sending other people’s children into war?

What if Florence Nightingale had kids? Would she have been the “lady with the lamp” running from patient to patient night after night?

What if Sally Ride had kids? Would she have been the first American woman astronaut?

Do you need to be a mother to have empathy? To better understand children or humanity?

Do you ever wonder ‘What if I had kids?’

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Is the no-kids-allowed movement spreading?

 

 

 

(photo by ThinkStock)

What’s the matter with kids today and why doesn’t anyone want them around? In June, Malaysia Airlines banned babies from many of their first class cabins, prompting other major airlines to consider similar policies.

Lately, complaints about screaming kids are being taken seriously, not only by airlines, but by hotels, movie theaters, restaurants, and even grocery stores.

via The no-kids-allowed movement is spreading – Parenting on Shine.

What do you think? Is the no-kids-allowed movement spreading? Let us know if you see any evidence in your life.

Kidding Around with Adam Mansbach

“You probably should not read it to your children.”

Go the F*ck to Sleep

With 284,000,000 search results on Google, a shout out in New York Magazine’s Approval Matrix, and the #1 spot on Amazon, Go the F*ck to Sleep is the talk of the publishing industry. And it doesn’t even come out until October!

Is this the beginning of a new trend in “kidding around” lit for parents? A few other irreverent series have made their way to bookshelves and gift stores in the past (see below). Why is this book getting so much attention? And why now? Are parents really so fed up? Or have we all recovered a sense of humor about parenting? Regardless, Go the F*ck to Sleep provides a brilliant burst of levity, and people are responding favorably.

I was introduced to Go the F*ck to Sleep when several of my friends sent the pdf version that has been circling email chains for the last few months. As a children’s book author and WNK blogger, they thought it was perfect for me. They also admitted the story reflects their own bedtime struggles.

In a recent “Today” show interview author Adam Mansbach said, “Despite the tremendous culture of parenting there’s a lot that doesn’t get talked about. Hopefully, the honesty of this book will open up the conversation. These are legitimate ways that we feel, and we should laugh about it, and be honest about these tribulations.”

As with most widely appealing humor, people seem to be laughing because the joke is on all of us, and is born from a seed of truth.

I found the book to be worthy of the response. It’s well written, and the viral contagion is as much a reflection of the authors talent and honesty as it is just plain good timing. People are obviously ready for a little break from Baby Einsteining, and humor, we are reminded, is always a good way to shine a light into some shadowed cracks and get people talking. And maybe if parents readily share simple daily struggles, fewer among us will feel alienated by perceived failings at a job that may be too often advertised as glorious and rewarding? Go the F*ck to Sleep is a breath of fresh, funny air, because we all know, it’s really not that easy.

Go the F*ck to Sleep by Adam Manbach from Akashic Books:

“Go the Fuck to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach’s verses perfectly capture the familiar–and unspoken–tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. In the process, they open up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations, and laugh at their absurdity. With illustrations by Ricardo Cortes, Go the Fuck to Sleep is beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny–a book for parents new, old, and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children.”

Three-Martini Family Vacation by Christie Mellor from Chronicle Books:

Three-Martini Family Vacation

“Chill the glasses! The author of the wildly successful Three-Martini Playdate is back with more irreverent and useful advice about life with children. Wickedly funny essays offer helpful advice on harnessing the energy of toddlers-gone-wild: on vacation, out to dinner, even just when grandmother stops by for a visit. Parents will relearn the art of traveling, socializing, and eating out like adults . . . sometimes with well-behaved children in tow. In dozens of short, kicky chapters like Cocktail Parties: Actually for Grown-ups…gently reminds parents that family vacations can truly be fun.”

Baby Be of Use Series by Lisa Brown from McSweeney’s:

Baby Be of Use

“With the Baby Be of Use Six-Book Bundle, you’ve got your domestic bases covered. Between naps and “turning over,” your baby can learn his or her way around banking, car repair, breakfast preparation, drink-mixing, wedding planning, and romantic matchmaking. Through basic shapes and colors, these board books teach your precious little angels to be useful at long last. And why shouldn’t they help a little around the house?”

A Peter Pan Complex

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert

In Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, she writes that the term matrimony comes from the Latin word for mother. She explains that while she is childfree by choice, many women throughout history have chosen the same path, or maybe nature has allowed for it to be so.  Gilbert notes that, at any given time in history at least 10% of women are childless worldwide. And during the Great Depression, in America, the number was up to 23%. Today the number hovers close to 50%.

Does nature know something that we’ve all but ignored? Does it really take a village to raise a child? Gilbert wonders if maybe there are extra women around to be “sparents” – “spare parents” to help out.

Savvy Auntie by Melanie Notkin

The popularity of author and blogger Melanie Notkin suggests the answer is a resounding yes. SavvyAuntie.com celebrates the childfree women who lend a hand. It is, “the first community for cool aunts, great aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids.” I am a proud member of this auntie brigade, with three gorgeous godkiddies. Savvy Auntie instructs kid-free aunts on everything childfriendly, from the perfect birthday present to how to save for a niece’s education. A review from Kirkus says it best: “A chic guide for new and experienced aunts that establishes their valuable family role. Challenging the cultural stigma associated with childless women, Notkin creates a distinctive voice that draws attention to the value of an aunt’s role in families…Communal childrearing at its finest.”

Of course the stories of the famously heartbroken and lonely “old-maid” aunties persist, and are part of our literary history. But Gilbert writes that these are merely creatures of myth, “recent studies of nursing homes comparing happiness levels of elderly childless women against happiness levels of women who did have children show no pattern of special misery or joy in one group or the other.”Hence, it is always better to visit https://burzynskilaw.com/ as they can help you legally to resolve issues irrespective of being women of child or childless women.

Perhaps several works of fiction wouldn’t even exist without the help of aunties. Childless aunties helped raise and influence notable artists including: Coco Chanel, Virginia Woolf, Truman Capote, and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

From Gilbert we also learn that J.M. Barrie’s inspiration for the spirit of his forever, youthful fictional character, Peter Pan, was found “in the faces of many women who have no children.” That would be me. And I only hope my own role as a Peter Pan makes me a valuable auntie and an excellent “sparent”…

I’m flying!

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Kiddie (Free) Lit

Ever wonder...

Doing my best Andy Rooney impersonation:

Did you ever notice how almost every book for women these days is about weddings and babies? I remember when women couldn’t even have books.

OK enough with the old man voice. I’ve been noticing a recurring theme with many of my steamy beach reads that is not so sexy – the main characters can’t decide if they should have kids or NOT! The stories are not the fun and tempting reads that the back cover teases. These fence-sitting literary couples struggle to find themselves and survive debt, betrayal and various inane obstacles only to come together and live happily ever after. Then they go and ruin things by making baby plans.

The two chick-lit novels below include the “Should we? Or shouldn’t we?” theme:
Baby Proof by Emily Giffen

Fans love her sorbet colored titles on marriage and the great void that happens next. In this story, Ben, the husband who vowed he’d live a childfree life suddenly wakes up one day and – yikes — changes his mind. Now what?
Nanny Returns by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus

Four million readers loved The Nanny Diaries but when Nanny returned more people went meh? Not so much. Nan is back and fate has her crossing paths with her former charges, but can she handle a little cutie pie of her own? And will it tear her against-all-odds relationship apart?

A friend of mine mentioned that the childfree conundrum makes an appearance in Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. (A pre-Oprah Book Club copy is sitting on my shelf.) Franzen would likely freak out if he discovered his name on the same page as “beach read” or “chick lit” or “books for women”. Which brings me back to Andy Rooney…

Did you ever notice that people without kids have way too much time to read books?