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Empty nest? Not all parents are sad about it

October 10, 2011 by 8 Comments
A hybrid travel trailer made by KZ Recreationa...
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Empty nest? Not all parents are sad about it – CBS News.

Parenting is a tough and thankless and endless job and there’s reason for empty nesters to be excited. You can take it from me. Travel, extra income, naps, dating your spouse rather than forming a partnership for child-rearing… all things that are worth celebrating, whether for a week,  a lifetime, or when the nest is empty. Empty nesters may be excited to rad about childfree retreats on WhyNoKids.com or look into peaceful travel opportunities at Childfree Travel

 

No twinges of sorrow in Bentonville, Ark, for mom of five Pamela Haven and her husband, Jeff. She has a recurring thought about life after the last of the brood — 17-year-old twin boys — graduate high school in June: “Thank God they weren’t triplets!”

Up next? “We’re booked on a cruise right after school ends, just the two of us. We’re purchasing a travel trailer, and we can’t wait to strip down the upstairs and repaint, carpet and make two guest rooms.”

Also looking forward to life after children is Jeanette Simpson, an interior designer in Lakewood Ranch, Fla. She has six kids (no boomerangers in the bunch) and the last is a high school senior.

“After 27 years of dealing with school schedules, and 33 years of kids at home, I’ll be an empty nester in less than a year,” she said. “With the last one, I feel almost guilty about not being overly saddened. I have a feeling of ‘job well done.'”

What’s she looking forward to the most? Traveling with her hubby without worry about school breaks and, “Time for myself, something that’s been rare since the first one came along.”

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Filed Under: Childfreedom, Fatherhood, Parenting Tagged With:

The cost of raising a child climbed 40% over the past decade

September 21, 2011 by 5 Comments
CNN

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Read: The cost of raising a child climbed 40% over the past decade – Sep. 21, 2011.

“Forget designer strollers and organic baby formula, just providing a child with the basics has become more than most parents can afford.”

Needless to say, earnings have not kept pace and the fact that it is more difficult to save today, as a result of financial costs, cultural norms and the slow economy, many people simply can;t afford to choose to have a baby. Or, by the time they have saved enough to consider procreating, there are entirely new risks (costs) to consider.

WNK promises to examine the costs, (hard and hidden) of raising children more closely in the near future. In the meantime, check out the article in it’s entirety and the comments below, including my response to the following attack on childfree and childless people:

“People who opt to not have children are a burden on the SS and Medicare systems. They shouldn’t be entitled to these benefit since the taxes we are paying today go to our parents benefits as they paid for theirs before them. I am raising two children to replace my wife and my contributions to the system. What are you non-procreating people contributing to our beloved social systems? Nothing.” (Cont’d)

I have some difficulty with the way these articles classify what people spend, in this story it is “middle-income” families, as “cost”. People certainly raise children for less, so it is misleading I think to classify spending as cost. And someone (possibly me) should seek some clarity about inflation assumptions and other factors that are used to come up with the alleged $226,920 a middle-income family will supposedly spend on raising a child BEFORE paying college tuition. Parents can also explore shariah-approved savings plans to put money aside for their children’s future. Regardless, the true costs of choosing to have a child, many children, or remaining childfree, deserve to be examined more closely. If you have more questions, comments, contributions or confusion, let us know and we’ll try to address them soon.

Here are a few quick highlights from today’s CNN story:

“From buying groceries to paying for gas, every major expense associated with raising a child has climbed significantly over the past decade, said Mark Lino, a senior economist at the USDA.”

 

“All of this comes at a time when incomes are shrinking and unemployment is near an all-time high. Over the past decade, median household income have fallen 7%, according to a recent report from the Census Bureau.”

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Filed Under: Childfree Finance, Childfreedom, Hot Topics, Why No Kids? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Celebrities, WiNKs, Taboos and The Childfree Apology

September 20, 2011 by 8 Comments
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Many childfree celebrities keep their choices to themselves. Perhaps they’d rather let the press and public wonder about their sexuality than risk offending the mommy constituency? Others admit their choice apologetically. “I love kids but….”, begins the required apology. Even Chaz Bono and his girlfriend didn’t dare say they don’t want babies. For Becoming Chaz they filmed every day of a difficult decision and taboo sexual transition, but when Rosie O’Donnell asked them about kids, they responded sheepishly, of course, apologizing for even thinking about staying childfree.

Wow. Even gay and transgender couples have to do this dance these days? O’Donnell, mother of many, didn’t push them or suggest they might end up regretful or lonely. She said that her advice to anyone who has any doubt is not to have children. Don’t do it. Something like that. Refreshing? Surprising? To me at least.

So when Roseanne Barr said, “Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.” on national TV, I was among the many, including her own children, who found it shocking. Not because of the content of her message. Not because I doubted her sanity, but because it isn’t something mothers say. Is it something mothers are allowed to even think in our society? Is a mother that fantasizes about what her life without children could have been or could be committing an unspeakable sin against her family and community? Yes. It seems. Because we know it happens, yet no one is articulating what they think.

And when a mother DOES speak out against mothering like Roseanne did on Roseanne’s Nuts? Is she inviting the hatred and judgment hoisted on Casey Anthony? (Also guilty of not wanting kids at the very, very least.) No. But she’s entering taboo territory, a place where people overreact and use the word “crazy”. Roseanne was bold. Because these are words that mothers aren’t allowed to speak. “Don’t have kids” or “I wish I didn’t have kids” are somehow heard as “I wish they weren’t alive” or “I hate children”. It seems. What do you think?

From where I stand, men are given much more room than Rosanne and other women to vent, admit, complain or translate their desire for silence and freedom and fresh air into advice or comedy. (See Louis C.K., Doug Stanhope, Aziz Ansari, Jason Jones and Drew Magary video links below.) Mothers seem to police themselves, vigilantly. I wonder if their own fleeting fantasies, and resulting guilt, might cause moms to judge women like Chelsea Handler and Roseanne Barr quickly and often harshly?

I also wonder if the same taboos, caution, guilt or misperceptions keep our families from acknowledging this site or our friends from clicking a little button that says “like”, even though much of the content, contributed by teachers and mentors, is about parenting, the environment, economics and psychology.

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Filed Under: Advice & Tips, Celebrities Without Children, Childfree by Choice, Childfreedom, Comedy, DINKs, SINKs & GINKs Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Bold, Brave or Belligerent?: Roseanne Barr (Mother of 5) Bashes Baby Making (on TV)

September 19, 2011 by 1 Comment
Roseanne's outfit (from magazine)

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From Roseanne’s Nuts on Lifetime:

Roseanne Barr: “The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.’”

Roseanne Barr’s (grown) son: “You have five kids! You can’t talk about that. You have five!”

Roseanne Barr: “I know I do, that’s why I have the right to say it! If somebody would come to me when I was sixteen years old and go, ‘You don’t have to get married or have a baby, that’s bullshit!’ I would have fuckin’ flipped! Cause I never heard one human say anything like that. I was so brainwashed to have five kids for the Jewish Nation. And now I’m like, wow, that wasn’t even my own life!

Check out the complete Nuts conversation with Roseanne Barr and other posts on Happily Childfree » Blog Archive » As Seen On TV

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Filed Under: Childfreedom, Comedy, Parenting, Selfish Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

I Am the Population Problem

September 16, 2011 by 1 Comment

This is one of the most compelling, well-written pieces I’ve read recently: I Am the Population Problem | RH Reality Check.

“Real reproductive freedom has to include social acceptance of the decision not to reproduce.”

Borrowed from friends at GINK – green inclinations, no kids, this story includes some enlightening statistics, great writing and an apology.

“I recognize that I am the population problem. I’m trying to be part of the solution.”

Here are some of the many highlights:

“Population isn’t just about counting heads, although by this October we will be counting 7 billion of them worldwide. The impact of humanity on the environment is not determined solely by how many of us are around, but by how much stuff we use and how much room we take up. And as a financially comfortable American, I use a lot of stuff and take up a lot of room. My carbon footprint is more than 200 times bigger than that of an average Ethiopian, more than 12 times bigger than an average Indian’s, and twice as big as an average Brit’s.”

“Far and away the biggest contribution I can make to a cleaner environment is to not bring any mini-mes into the world. A 2009 study by statisticians at Oregon State University found that in America the climate impact of having one fewer child is almost 20 times greater than the impact of adopting a series of eco-friendly practices for your entire lifetime…”

“Here in the United States, the Pill has been available for more than 50 years. It’s now almost universally accepted that women will use birth control to delay, space out, or limit childbearing. But there’s not so much acceptance for using birth control to completely skip childbearing. At some point, you’re expected to grow up, pair up, put the Pill off to the side, and produce a couple of kids. Deviate from this scenario and you’ll get weird looks and face awkward conversations with family members, friends, coworkers, and complete strangers.”

“Many women who have not already had children find it difficult if not impossible to find a doctor who will perform a tubal ligation. Doctors warn that sterilization is an irreversible, life-altering decision. But having a child is an irreversible, life-altering decision and you don’t find doctors warning women away from that. The broadly held prejudice, in the medical profession and much of the rest of society, is that becoming a parent is the correct and inevitable choice.

Over recent years and decades, it’s become more acceptable for mixed-race couples to have children, and single women, and gay couples, and women over the age of 40, and that’s all good. Acceptance has been slower to come for the decision not to have children. There’s now a fledgling childfree movement, but some who are part of it say they still feel like they’re violating a taboo.”

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Filed Under: Childfreedom, DINKs, SINKs & GINKs, Environmental, Hot Topics Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Kendra Wilkinson: How Motherhood Affected My Sex Life | Perezitos.com

September 15, 2011 by 1 Comment
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Kendra Wilkinson: How Motherhood Affected My Sex Life | Perezitos.com.

This story is barely a story and nothing terribly illuminating, but honest. Guess what? Adding babies to a relationship makes things significantly less steamy, something environmentalist John Davis said more eloquently than Kendra Wilkinson in his recent WNK post, “Sexiest Reason Why No Kids? Sex!”

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Parents’ Depression and Stress Leaves Lasting Mark on Children’s DNA – The Daily Beast

September 15, 2011 by 1 Comment

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I found this story fascinating: Parents’ Depression and Stress Leaves Lasting Mark on Children’s DNA – The Daily Beast.

Here are some of the many compelling and thought provoking segments of the story:

“…when parents are under emotional, financial, or other forms of stress, it can alter their children’s patterns of genetic activity at least through adolescence and perhaps longer. And since some of the altered genes shape brain development, the effects of parental stress might permanently wire themselves into children’s brains.”

“This is the first time scientists have ever found a link between parental stress in early childhood and the condition of their children’s DNA. As such, it represents the next frontier in the study of nature and nurture: identifying how the experiences we have (nurture) affect our DNA (nature).” Online casinos can offer an entertaining and engaging way to relieve stress. Online gambling at sites like TheIslandNow can provide an escape from everyday life’s stresses and the opportunity to win money.

“The new study shows that childhood experiences that fall well short of abuse, or even of having a mother who is depressed, leave their marks on our DNA.” To counter that, parents can resort to stress-relieving products found on sites like the CBD Shop. Parents may also visit this online cannabis store for the best cbd products. They can also read this marijuana blog for more information. I also recently discovered a site like https://d8superstore.com/product/3chi-thc-a-flower-jars-blue-dream-pie, where they offer premium cannabis products, including the enticing 3CHI THC-A Flower Jars in the Blue Dream Pie strain. If they want to have a great experience using cannabis products, try taking delta 8 pouches.

“Since we already know that parents’ marital and financial stress can hurt children’s development, a skeptic might ask whether the new study advances the ball. It does, and that’s why parents need to try to control their stress and products like Exhale pens can help with this. By showing how parenting exerts the effects it does—namely, by altering which of a child’s genes are turned on and which are turned off—it makes those influences much more real and concrete, much the way brain imaging studies that show junkies’ brains when they crave heroin made addiction much more real and concrete: just as a junkie can’t simply summon the willpower to kick his addiction, so a child cannot just shake off the legacy of a troubled infancy and adolescence. That legacy has altered her very DNA.”

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2 Videos: Childfree Chelsea Handler

September 8, 2011 by 12 Comments

For those of you that saw our previous FB post of childfree Chelsea Handler and asked for more, we borrowed this one from Alvaro and our friends on “Happily Childfree“.

Ms. Handler is one of the few female comics (that I know of) with the balls to twist her own taboo baby bashing into thought provoking and funny. Louis C.K.’s “Kids Suck” rants are touching and funny and Aziz Ansari’s take is hilarious too, but the first is a parent and neither would seem to risk the wrath of mommies like a female comic does when she says

“I could have been a mother too okay, three times, but I made the right decisions.”

What do you think? Do you have examples of other women doing this kind of comedy?

Here’s Chelsea Handler’s interview that we posted on Facebook in May:

I’m not sure if the interview occurred before or after the Laugh Factory routine.

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3) Video: Amy Poehler’s Tip For Traveling With Children

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Filed Under: Childfree by Choice, Childfreedom, Comedy, Uncategorized, Video Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Video: Go The Fuck To Sleep! Please?

August 18, 2011 by 1 Comment

Grandma can’t stop reading this Ge The F**k To Sleep book. What will her infectiously funny rendition do for the Not-For-Kiddie Lit trend WNK discussed previously? Will some of those upset parents finally laugh along with Grandma and take themselves less seriously?

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Book Review: Kidding Around With Not-for-Kiddie Lit

Samuel L. Jackson reads Ge The F**k To Sleep

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Vicki Larson: How Not To Save A Marriage

August 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment

READ – Vicki Larson: How Not To Save A Marriage.

Thanks to Vicky Larson and GINK – green inclinations, no kids for bringing us another compelling story, and an appropriate follow-up to the earlier WNK piece by Vicki Larson:  Are Childless Couples Headed Toward Divorce? Vicky is a great researcher and thinker, and certainly a conversation starter. She has responded to comments from our writers and readers, so don’t be afraid to share your own questions or thoughts.

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Filed Under: Advice & Tips, Choice, DINKs, SINKs & GINKs, Family Tagged With: , , , , ,
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