We're childfree and happy. You could be too!
And “Garfunkel & Oates” are cute. Who knew? They can carry a tune and smile and condescend at the same time. And while their song is topical in a way that kinda fits them on our page, I am already making apologies, starting with my friend Sarah, who is not smug at all lately. Thanks to Rochelle for posting this on Happily Childfree.
We wanted to share some the year’s best stories about parenting, children and the childfree, including emphasis on the environment, economy and psychology.
1) THE NO-BABY BOOM – Probably the most engaging, enlightening piece so far about the choice to be childfree, the CF lifestyle and growing community. It appeared in Details magazine. If you’re willing to read only one story, start and stop here.
2) ARE THERE DISADVANTAGES TO BEING CHILDFREE? – We’re not here to start a cult or hoist an ideology on the unsuspecting. We want an open honest discourse about what life is like and how big choices related to conceiving, adopting and parenting affect ANYBODY.
3) DOES HAVING CHILDREN MAKE YOU HAPPY? — What do you think? Have you read these other WNK stories? Are parents or the childfree more fit or healthy?
4) WHY MORE KIDS? – The Russian and South Korean governments want more babies! Riddle: Which is less sustainable:
A) A movement or community (like the childfree) that can’t rely on brainwashing their offspring to continue growing? OR
B) An economy that demands constant growth while resources are limited and fewer participants are incented to make babies?
5) HOW TO LAND YOU KID IN THERAPY – Why the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother report
6) WHINING IS THE WORST SOUND IN THE WORLD – Dare to disagree?
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO of Amy Poehler’s Tip For Traveling With Children.
SNL alum and Parks and Recreation star Amy Poehler has an effective strategy for traveling with babies. DRINK! This one is from a direct post to our “Why no Kids?” Facebook page, where you can find more compelling clips and stories that have not (yet) appeared in the Blog.
Poehler’s P&R co-star Asiz Ansari also chimed in about his own baby strategies earlier this week. And check WNK archives for comedy clips and print from the likes of Louis C.K., Jason Jones and Drew Magary.
This post may be worth revisiting, especially for those uncertain about having babies, or how doing so may affect their life and relationships.
To sum it all up, don’t have a child because you think it will bring you happiness or improve your marriage. If you’re not content with your life prior to kids, this discontent will likely continue after the child is born. Plus, it’s important to recognize the challenges that parenting will bring. There are positives and negatives in every life choice, and it’s important to weigh these out as you create the landscape of your future.
Psychology Today is an excellent resource for a variety of perspectives and studies.For more information search “parenting” or “childfree” on the Psychoogy Today website. There are many compelling pieces by Ellen Walker, Ph.D., author of Complete Without Kids.
Freakonomics » Freakonomics Radio, Hour-long Episode 2: “The Economist’s Guide to Parenting”.
Unless you have a lot of time to geek out on Freakonomics, you can skip the radio show and just skip to the text below. Taken from a transcript of the show, this exchange serves as an appropriate follow-up to the Freakonomics on fatherhood post. According to these economists, the increase in parenting duties for college-educated mothers, and the cause, is even more freaky/intriguing:
RAMEY: So, in the 1980’s, the average, young, college-educated mother spent thirteen hours per week on childcare.
DUBNER: That’s Valerie Ramey again. She and her husband Gary, also an economist, analyzed data from the American Time Use Survey.
RAMEY: Now, it’s 22 hours a week. So, the amount of time has increased by nine hours a week.DUBNER: Nine hours. So, that’s about a seventy percent increase, that’s a huge increase.
RAMEY: It’s a huge increase.
RAMEY: Now, what’s interesting is over this same time period, the wages of college-educated women have really increased. So, the opportunity cost of time has increased at the same time they’ve decided to spend more time taking care of their children.
DUBNER: So, to an economist, like you, that has to be a little bit baffling, yes?
RAMEY: Yes, it is a puzzle.
DUBNER: After declining for decades, the amount of time that parents spent on childcare started to rise in the 1990’s and then skyrocketed in the 2000’s, especially among college-educated moms. Why? The Rameys found a surprising answer: college. Specifically: the increased competition for kids to get into good colleges. These high-end parents weren’t simply babysitting; they were chauffeuring their kids to the kind of extracurricular activities that look good on a college application. The Rameys called it the rug-rat race. You want to know the strangest part? Valerie Ramey was a prime offender — until her family put a stop to it.
Freakonomics » The Divergence of Fatherhood: Feast or Famine.
Indeed, most fathers (63%) say being a dad is harder today than it was a generation ago.
Many people point to the economy when it’s time to blame something for more childfree families. The Freakonomics folks offer some enlightening statistics about the challenges of fatherhood in our age. Is this a job you want today? Would you accept it if the demands were more like dad’s in the 1960s?
In 1965, married fathers with children younger than age 18 living in their household spent an average of 2.6 hours per week caring for those children. Fathers’ time spent caring for their children rose gradually over the next two decades — to 2.7 hours per week in 1975 and three hours per week in 1985. From 1985 to 2000, the amount of time married fathers spent with their children more than doubled — to 6.5 hours in 2000.
Only about one-in-four adults say fathers today are doing a better job as parents than their own fathers did. Roughly one-third (34%) say they are doing a worse job, and 40% say they are doing about the same job.
Aziz’s Friends: “Aziz! You’re not going to believe it! I just had a baby!”
Aziz: “Hahahahaha! That sucks! Oh man, you’re going to have to take care of that thing for18 years and make sure it doesn’t murder anyone! I’ll talk to you later. I’m going to go do literally anything I want.”
And if you want to keep laughing or prefer conversation staring comedy from daddies, have a look at Louis C.k. and Drew Magary on WNK here.
Image via Wikipedia
This isn’t just another vasectomy story. Ot is it? Jason Jones is seeking a cure for a “disease” that makes him exhausted, fat and dirty?
Jason Jones narrating: “The doctor held my life in his hands.”
Jason Jones: ”Would you say I have a larger than average vas deferens?”
Surgeon: “You have a great size vas deferens”
Jason Jones: “Thank you Dr. Weiner”
Image via Wikipedia
Vicki Larson: Are Childless Couples Headed Toward Divorce?.
“People assume children are the glue that holds a marriage together, which really isn’t true. Kids are huge stressors,” says Scott, head of the Childless by Choice Project whose documentary on childfree couples was just released. “Despite that, there is a strong motive to stay together. The childfree don’t have that motive so there’s no reason to stay together if it’s not working.”
This article is great, really layered and probing. It answers a lot of questions about who is “childfree”, why, and what the impact of such status on their marriage may be. However, there may be some confusion, or even unintended/inaccurate conclusions, as all couples without children are lumped into the “childfree” category, including couples frequently categorized as “childless” (those who want kids but cannot conceive) that “make up the bulk of the childfree” in this story.
As I read the article I wondered how many of the divorced couples were simply victims of a decision to marry too early. According to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Committed, the rate of divorce among people that marry before 25 is astounding. I also hoped for statistics comparing older married couples. How do those who CHOOSE not to have kids compare to couples with empty nests at the same age? When the decision for parents to divorce can be made without complicating child rearing, like the childfree by choice, then who APPEARS to be more successful or happily married? (Not that remaining married is an accurate indicator of “success”) When I was in college, my parents finally divorced, and there was a rash of divorces among my friends’ parents as well. Whatever the reasons are, if you decide to file for divorce, it is recommended to hire Naperville divorce attorneys to handle all the legal aspects of the case. You may also consider consulting these Bethesda alimony lawyers.
This one is for the football fans and any parents or childfree readers that appreciate the role comedy can play in lightening a mood or dissolving taboos.
Louis C.K. says “Kids Suck”
and Deadspin.com‘s Drew Magary suggests “It’s Okay To Love Your TV More Than Your Children”
“Let’s just get this out of the way: Of course I love the television more than my own children. That TV cost a mere $700. I spend that much on diapers every fucking year. It has a functional mute button, which means I do not have to hear it if I don’t want to. The people who appear on the TV set are far more articulate than my 1-year-old, and thus more interesting to listen to (unless the people in question are Chris Berman and Steve Young). The TV takes up less space and doesn’t leave toys and bits of cake all over the goddamn place.”
They might be kidding or just pandering, but from my seat, it is clear that they make us laugh by shining a light on things that everyone thinks (sometimes?), but few are saying. That and just plain good story telling. And even if you aren’t laughing after reading and watching, maybe you’ll agree that these daddies are helping future parents and those who may one day choose not to breed by sharing their thoughts, experiences, honesty and hyperbole. We know having kids aint easy, and what better way to give us all permission to say so than through comedy? The only question is, are these things mommies can get away with saying. (If you know of any moms that are, please share them with us.)
This article, Study: Wanting Things Makes Us Happier Than Having Them, does not mention children specifically, but… should it? Is the modern desire for children, like our want for other new, shiny things, a result of relentless marketing? The most defensible, obvious answer to both of the questions above is “No”. Biology, instinct, and the […]
