October 18, 2019

Toddler used as weapon on Toronto streetcar

Toronto Street at night, including one of the ...

Image via Wikipedia

Now here’s a bizarre Canada Day parenting update from Chicago’s neighbor to the north: “Toddler used as weapon on Toronto streetcar“!

I’d like to start out with a hat tip to kids is crap for notifying childfree couples the world over that we’re more vulnerable than our child wielding friends and neighbors. How’s that you say? Frankly, I’d say we’re nothing short of disabled! No child; no weapon.

Police have identified a woman who they say used her three-year-old daughter to hit a passenger on a Toronto Transit Commission streetcar. (CBC News)

You read that right. When I first saw the headline, I anticipated a highly effective threat: “Give me your seat or I’ll change my newborn’s nappy in front of you!”

But no cold war tactics here, no metaphorical arms race, no brag and bluster. This baby-armed momma apparently baby-bopped her victim.

“She gets into an altercation with a [woman] on the streetcar and then she uses her child and takes her child and starts hitting the woman with her child,” said Toronto police Const. Tony Vella.

So, if I see you walking up to me on a streetcar, airplane or train brandishing your baby, don’t be surprised if I run away. Or bust some fancy ninja moves from a really bad movie I watch in middle school. (Yes, they had movies back then. And ninjas.) Where exactly does this fit into my childfree flanifesto? Not sure, because until this morning “Afraid of babies!” wasn’t even on my list for why I’m not a breeder. Actually, I guess I’m just afraid of breeders on streetcars

You can’t make this stuff up, folks!

“Some day you’ll regret not having children.” A common refrain for childfree couples, right? “Oh, they’re a pain in the @$$ most of the time, but really, it’s the best decision we ever made!” Another familiar refrain. And you know, finally I’m beginning to understand. Next time I’m getting mugged I have a growing suspicion I’ll finally have that cathartic ah-ha moment: “I wish I had a baby with a soiled nappy to bonk the gun out of this jerks hand!”

Oh, and the good news?

Police believe the child was not hurt. But they are concerned for the little girl’s well-being.

You think?

About virtualDavis

Geo Davis (aka virtualDavis) is a writer, storyteller, unabashed flâneur and eager-beaver uncle. Despite two whiz-bang nieces, two superstar nephews, and rewarding teaching/coaching stints at the American School of Paris and Santa Fe Preparatory School, he remains willingly, enthusiastically and happily childfree. His WNK posts are part of an ongoing attempt to understand why. Rosslyn Redux, a transmedia chronicle about rehabilitating an historic property in the Adirondacks, offers a more ironic twist on his childfree adventure. He also blogs at virtualDavis.com and EssexonLakeChamplain.com. Connect with Geo Davis via Twitter, Facebook or Google+.