Halloween Archives - Why No Kids

I Don’t Hate Kids

I don’t hate kids. And I’m guessing that Steve Shives doesn’t hate kids either. After all, he’s created both a “Why I Hate Kids” video and a “Why I Like Kids” video for your lighthearted consumption. This tongue-in-cheek parade of reasons why he could hate kids is arguably inappropriate but strikes me as a reminder that loving kids or hating kids isn’t at the heart of the childfree/breeder divide. Far from it!

But like this Jam Hands post, exaggeration and laughter are a necessary and healthy part of the conversation. That said, here are a few of my favorites from Steve Shives “Why I Hate Kids” list:

they are loud
the really smart ones can take 3 or 4 years to learn how to wipe their own asses
they take over your life
they think black and white movies are boring
they pee in their beds
they get bored easily
you have to watch them constantly
they’re afraid of cooties and harmless insects but not guns
most of them are too small and weak to get any real work out of
they lack perspective
they are expensive
they stole Halloween
they don’t get subtlety
they don’t look good wearing glasses
they get to piss in your face while you change their diaper, and you’re not even supposed to get mad
they consume everything and produce nothing
they speak openly of their bowel movements